The Haunted Hotel - Kentucky
"Krampus"(Louisville, KY)- So this is my first ever Christmas haunt review. Hard to believe that, but I've never really delved into the world of post-Halloween haunted attractions. Until now that is...
I noticed that a huge number of attractions across the country were open in December, so I figured I might as well extend the season just a tad.
I go way back with Haunted Hotel. The owner, Kevin Stich , was one of my first haunt owner correspondents on this page 4 years ago.
I have at least a review or two of them floating around here in facebook land, but it had been several years since I'd been back. And this seemed like an opportune time to see what was new in the Louisville hood.
This place, for the uninitiated, is one of the more "extreme" haunted attractions you're liable to find around. At least they've always been since I started coming around.
And let's just say, they didn't tone their Christmas-themed haunt down one bit.
I arrived here midway through the night on Friday, Dec. the 1st. It was myself and a fellow haunt industry member from up north.
I parked in the convenient store lot next door (this place is located in a residential neighborhood), since there's really only whatever street parking you can find around.
T.S.O. Christmas music blasted as we walked up the sidewalk towards the festively decorated, familiar house on the corner.
I asked an actress out front dressed as an elf where Kevin was, and was directed around back.
We headed around to the rear of the building where the ticket window was. Here, we encountered a group of Christmas-costumed ghouls carrying on with a group of people.
Admission here was $25 for general admission ($35 VIP). And they finally got some new t-shirts in! In every color imaginable (I grabbed an olive-colored one).
Kevin appeared momentarily to greet us, and took us back around front.
As we walked, one of the actors (wrapped in Christmas lights resembling barbed wire) followed along, in the process passing a disheveled old man walking in the opposite direction.
The actor went to interact with the guy, who quickly moved out of the way and continued walking.
"I'm from Vietnam motherf*cker!" he stammered, storming away.
After that amusing encounter, we headed up to the front door of the attraction, where the T.S.O. music was still blaring from all around (I'll bet the neighbors love this place!)
There was no line here at the moment, so we headed on in.
Inside, we encountered the hotel's bellhop, a wily and enthusiastic fellow who gave a little introductory backstory on their Krampus story line, before sending us ahead into their elevator simulation chamber.
Actually, we were shoved into the elevator from behind.
"Watch your step!" he yelled, giving me a friendly shove, sending me plowing into the elevator wall.
Things got pretty crazy from this moment forth.
Two actors appeared in the black light haze inside the elevator, as it shook violently around.
It was dark, so I couldn't really see what the actors looked like, but one of them grabbed my hair tie off my head, and climbed around on the railings, pressing their faces against ours.
This awkwardness was ramped up further as we passed through a dark maze ahead, with an actor holding onto me from behind.
I finally saw what these fellows looked like in the next room. One was dressed as a morbid-looking elf, and the other appeared to be some sort of gnome-like creature with long hair.
These guys were absolutely relentless.
"I want him! I want him!" excitedly shouted the one elf, jumping up and down as if I was a present of some sort.
They certainly liked cursing at us a lot too.
"Merry f*cking Christmas!" another random actor shouted as we passed through a room.
They also liked messing my hair up repeatedly. I gave up trying to fix it after a while.
At one point, a wall opened up and a guy grabbed me.
I had knives pressed against my throat, got kissed by a dude, and had my hood from my jacket pulled up over my face for a brief time by someone, before they shoved me blindly into the next room.
Next, I was grabbed and had my face shoved under a faucet with running cold water.
"Go to the north pole!" they yelled, shoving us the direction of a flight of stairs.
I had a few moments to collect myself here. This place was non-stop insanity. I really hadn't even had much of a chance to look at any of the sets or actors for more than a few brief moments before someone was assaulting me again. wedding dresses with bows
This didn't last long.
I was thrown onto a sofa chair while one of the aforementioned elf characters hopped on my lap and proceeded to give me a lap dance.
We passed a large snapping piranha plant in one room, and and entered a bedroom where their elaborately costumed Krampus character was creeping about.
He grabbed my other group member, and pinned them against a wall.
"F*ck this," I said, hopping across the bed and heading out the door.
But, my escape was useless, since one of the elves from before appeared, and dragged me back inside.
"Thought you were gonna get away, didn't ya!?" he mocked.
Up ahead, 2 female actors asked if we'd been naughty or nice, to which I asked which answer would have less bodily harm inflicted upon us.
One of them threw Christmas tree garland all over my other group member, while I managed to get away unscathed...at least temporarily.
I wound up getting caught in a white sheet that the girls were tossing into the air in one of the rooms, trying to make it out of the room.
I should've known better than to try and avoid confrontation here. It was useless.
Back downstairs, we encountered a bloody gingerbread man actor, a bridge over a small, blood-colored lake, and foggy halls filled with chainsaw-wielding Santa's.
As we headed down the final tunnel, sparks flew along the walls from a chainsaw-brandishing goat-horned creature.
We emerged back outside 15 minutes later, where Kevin was standing with some other staff.
He thanked us for coming out, and we said our farewells.
One thing is for damn sure, this place certainly hasn't softened with time. If anything, it's gotten even more visceral.
At least it was still fun though. But I would've liked to have been able to see more in there, instead of being constantly bombarded by actors every second. I guess their relentlessness is part of their shtick here.
Nevertheless, I'm glad I got to come and check out the hotel before the end of the year. It's just as crazy as ever.
If you like your haunts ultra-risque and in-your-face, The haunted Hotel's got you covered. They make sure you get your money's worth here. That much is for certain.
However, do NOT come here if you're easily insulted and/or afraid to be touched. Because they will most certainly do both...and then some!
Thanks again to Kevin and the crazed Haunted Hotel staff for hooking us up and kicking December off in a demented, yet festive fashion!
Hauntfinder Rating: * * * (out of 4)