An open letter to parents with special needs kids, and mental illness is a special need.

Today I want to give up. I want to cry and crawl into a hole and not come out. Yesterday he got the better of me. And I'm exhausted. I suppose it started when it was time to get up for school, I'm sick, and my daughter was sick, so he didn't think he should have to go. But I told him no isn't an option and I'll even buy him some breakfast on the way. I have to self transport everyday because he's not allowed on the bus anymore. He's too much of a problem. So I crawl out of bed, stop for some Micky D's and drop him off hoping I started the day off well enough we wouldn't have any issues. Before school lets out I get a text from the teacher with a picture letting me know my almost 12 year son has fallen out in a fit on the floor and refused to do any work today. And has requested the teacher not tell me this in fear he won't be allowed to play video games after school?!?! I said I'll handle it, and of course he won't be playing them. So when he gets home and the video games get locked up and I have someone at my house trying to fix our furnace, and I'm trying to get ready for work I walk into my kitchen, where, low and behold I find one of our dog water bowls, filled with pee. UcenterDress what garments to wear for brides suitable for second wedding

Yes, pee. Now I wish I could say this was the first time this has ever happened, not even close. I find pee in water bottles, I've found in shampoo bottles, I find it at random, absolutely everywhere in anything. I walk him to the kitchen where he denies denies denies.. and I try maybe 15 times or so to ask him when he does things like this what do you think my reaction is or should be? As he adamantly denies doing it, swearing to God, and on dead relatives, and even trying to get me to go outside and ask the guy who is was working on our furnace if he did it.

My son has ADHD, ODD, and PTSD. And for anyone who does not understand mental illness I will explain. My son experienced a trauma when he was 7. He was raped by his male cousin while he was visiting his father. So because of his ADHD his mind focuses on that the majority of everyday and to pull him away from anything that stops that is when you see the best of his ODD, he comes apart at the seams. Screaming, fighting, throwing things, breaking things, stomping, kicking, hitting. So I have an angry, mean child who fights with me all day every day.

But he has the biggest heart. Huge. There was one time his friend lost his glasses and he knew was going to be in trouble so he asked if he could take his birthday money we were going to go to a water park with and buy him a new pair so his friend wouldn't be in trouble.

We've been through at least 10 therapists, and counselors, trauma therapy, behavior therapy, I.e.p's, changing schools, behavior plans, and I have tried sitting down talking, sending him to his room, taking things away, letting him try to earn things back, calm resolution, hostile resolution, bribery, letting him pick his own punishment... I've tried everything. And I still do. I don't give up. I've lost jobs, and babysitter's and friends, and even family, I don't date ever, and most days I have anxiety leaving my house to even go to work.

So far there isn't this giant rainbow after the storm, most days I know I get out of bed because no one else is going to. I don't typically sing the single mom blues but it's me. That's it that is all he has. And no day is easy.

So if you are a parent of a child with a mental health disorder, I'm here, get a hold of me, I feel isolated. Maybe our kids can get mad and pee in things together.. I don't have this magic trick to make things better, but I can listen. And it definitely would be nice to not feel alone.